For the scholar on a budget: PHG

Have you ever dreamed of starting your life over as a prospector on an off-world colony mining orgone crystals in outer space?! These gray, double bridge, round sunglasses can be considered a writeoff then.

1. NO SLIP: special grip coating helps eliminate slippage when sweating.

2. NO BOUNCE: its distinguished double nose-bridge feature is snug and light-weight, with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running or crushing any workout.

3. ALL POLARIZED: Glare-reducing, polarized lenses and UV400 protection blocks harmful UVA and UVB rays.

4. NO DISSERTATION: No one has ever given a dissertation to a doctorate panel wearing PHGs. Yet.